“I'm happy being miserable. If I want to talk to someone I call up the speaking clock"
“It's nice, but I'm cold. Could do with underfloor heating" - Woman on Market Square ice rink
“I've only met one person in my life that hated me and that's only because I rejected her so she doesn't count.”
"So, what does a seventeen-year-old do?"
Woman: How much is an all day ticket?
Driver: £3.50
Woman: How much is it into town?
Driver: £2
Woman: I've got 11p
“I bought him a load of Spider-Man stuff for Christmas, but his mum doesn't like spiders so I had to take it all back.”
"Apparently the Jobcentre can get you sectioned if you are late."
“I don't care what they say, Jimmy Saville was a hero."
“I'm happy being miserable. If I want to talk to someone I call up the speaking clock."
Punter: Chips and a breadcake, please.
Girl: He wants a cob.
"Me wife is going to sacrifice me!"
“Allow these pigeons man, I’m gonna knock them out.”
Teenage girl 1: (unprompted) I've got a thing for fat boys actually.
Teenage girl 2: What, like, chunkeh?
Teenage girl 1: No, like, fat.
Teenage girl 2: Yeah, mine’s got a little beer belleh. It's so comfortable.
"But I just need to eat more chicken, though."
"Well, if you hadn't run away from the police dog he wouldn't have bitten you."
Boy: Daddy, I've drawn a picture of God on his cloud.
Dad: Do we believe in God, or do we believe in science?
More Overheard in Notts
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